OK my last post was long so let me update my story...
Let me be clear. I still take NO PAIN MEDICATION. Since I stopped taking Opiates in Feb/March and went through withdrawal I have been having Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia and then diagnosed with Adult ADHD (all of which I have a family history of as my mother committed suicide and was hospitalized twice - my brother committed suicide twice also and was hospitalized also - Thanks God neither were successful!). I have still been seeing my family Dr and a Therapist with little results. I have made an appointment with a Psychiatrist to get a second opinion on my diagnosis (Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Insomnia, and Adult ADHD w/o Hyperactivity). If he thinks my medications and therapy are the best route then I will continue with my family Dr but if he wants to change or control my medication I will take that into count to make a decision after talking with my family.
My mental well being is my primary concern. My back/leg pain is manageable 80% of the time now as long as I don't do too much activity. I can live with pain but not being an addict.
I really appreciate everyone's concern and would happily take any advise. It is humbling to have people who really care for you enough to actually say so. Email me anytime at tbwilson.com@gmail.com
Monday, June 8, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Been along time since I have posted...
Since I know not many will read this I will start my confession. If you know me you know I have been suffering with excruciating Low Back Pain for 7 or 8 years. I have been to the best Specialist money can buy, you know Harvard PhD's and Yale PhD's that specialize specifically on the back and nerve pain. My L5-S1 Disk is bulging quite a bit. At time I can feel EXTREME pain and depending on inflammation in the area it is manageable. My main issue now is the constant stabbing pain going down my left leg. It feels like I have a HOT piece of metal in my muscle and just never goes away for days. My left becomes tired and limp making it really hard to continue on with daily life. So after months of living day by day sometime confined to my bed for day I decited to start working with the supposed best Back/Pain Clinic in DFW. Spine Team of Texas - Southlake location.
It started out like most other Dr appointments that I have been too about my back. CT/MRI, nothing much to show so try "Physical Therapy". IMO Physical Therapy is great for someone how lost all motor function or has to relearn something they can no longer do. All the had me do it Stretch out, get a back message, and then they used a Tens unit on my back. I went to these appointments religiously for months! Nothing really changed at all. I was still just in pain. Felt like my nerves were on fire! Streching and all this other crap but exacerbated an already horrible issue. So I agreed to keep doing the basic stretches at home and told them that I could not afford the $20 a visit co-pay 3 times a week. Back to the Dr.
I will not specifically mention name just to avoid any back lash. I stated seeing one of the 2 Primary Partners and owners of the whole clinic. Harvard Medical School Graduate. So we do another MRI/CAT of my back. They say that my L5-S1 has significant Degenerative Disk Disease and that the disk is blown/bulging. After several reviews they believe that this bulge is not pinching a nerve specifically BUT from the severity of my symptoms I do have severe nerve issues somewhere effecting my Left Leg. So they sent me to get a procedure where squirt die into your spinal cavity to see if they can see anything else nerve wise that might be causing this pain. Again not much found. I then went through a set of Steroidal Injections directly into the Epidural Space which is supposed to kill all the inflammation and releave most of the pain. I went through 3 sets of these over the 3 months and got little to NO relief.
Now keep in mind this whole time the Dr's were prescribing progressively more potent pain killers (Opiates). I started off with the standard Pain Management brand Norco 5mg Vicodine-Hydrocodone/ 325 mg Acetaminophen. These are pills that are not used my regular family Physicians due to the peaks. You can take 3 times as many without the negative effects from the Acetaminophen poisening. Normally all Dr's will give a person for "sudden" onset pain is Vicodin/Lortab (generic is Hydrocode) pill with 5 mg Hydrocodone/ 500 mg Acetaminophen. The reason regular doctors stick to the 5 by 500 pill is because having 500 mg of Acetaminophen (aka Tylenol) in each pill limits the abuse potential because Tylenol taken at anything over 1000 mg at time (6 hour period) for more than a couple of days will cause kidney failure.
So once they had me on the "more" hardcore Norco Opiate product they started upping the does. Any opiate user knows that it does not take long for a consistent dose to start not helping the pain after just 2 to 4 weeks (without abuse). So now I was moved to the Norco 7.5 mg Hydrocodone / 325 mg Acetaminophen pill with instruction for 2 to 3 pills every 4 hours for pain. So 22.5 mg of Hydrocodone ever 4 hours. At first this was nice. I was in little pain. But again just like with all Opiate drugs your body gets used to it. A month and a half later I was onto the Norco 10mg Hydrocodone/ 325 mg Acetaminophen also up to 3 pills ever 4 hours. I knew it was getting out of control when I started getting more push back from the Dr's staff for refills and at the Pharmacy they were always amazed. A HUGE bottle of 240 pills of Norco's most powerful Narcotic, 10mg/325mg. They always made me feel like an addict by there glaring looks.
So late last year I did something that I think my family did not think I could do. I slowly stopped taking these Narcotics. At my last Dr appointments they mentioned Oxycontin, Methadone, or a Morphine pump. I was NOT ready to turn the rest of my life over to severe dependency on Opiates. I have kids and a wonderful wife that I want to be able to enjoy. I have a job I enjoy and drives me to new highs frequently. It took a couple tries and I think to script refills but I finally did it. I stopped calling the Pain Management Dr. Did not request refills and took a weekend to try to get over the bulk of the withdrawals that I would have after almost a year of 10+ pills a day. If you have never gone through Opiate Withdrawals then DON'T! It is horrible. It took close to 3 weeks before I felt 1/2 way OK. But I did it!
Now for the downside!
Opiate Withdrawal can cause numerous long term issues especially Depression, Severe Anxiety, Insomnia, and many other mid altering thing... ie no motivation and unexplained fatigue.
Soon after I quite my pain meds I started seeing my Primary Dr about what started as "side effects". I have been known to be a depressed person in the past and more everyone in my family is on a SSRI or 2 to help. I was FREAKING out with mood swings. Crying and Laughing 2 seconds agart. I was probably at the lowest mental point in my life. I was having ST. The Dr immediately took like 8 vials of blood to test everything and started my on an SSRI (Lexapro). I gave that a try. My blood work said that my B12 level was almost anemic! Normal levels are 6oo to 1000. Bad is 400 or below. Mine was 210. So I started 2000mcg shots of B12 to help with that. But after about 5 weeks I noticed the Lexapro was not really do anything for my anxiety and depression. The Dr then switches my to Luvox CR and gave my some Ambien for sleep.
So we though things would be better and I toughed it out for 4 or 5 weeks then could not take it anymore. I was bad. My mother had to come remove my firearms because I was REALLY unstable. IT was bad. So back to my Dr. He then decided that I should take a test on his computer. I immediately noticed this to be the Adult ADD test. Unfortunately I think I showed almost all the signs or actions of an Adult with ADD. I guess the main thing was that I was in the Army so I had been force to cope with alot of my ADD tendencies especially organization and structure. So after talking to the Dr he wanted me to start on an ADD medication called Vyvanse. Vyvanse is a new Pro Drug version of Amphetamine similar to Adderall. It helps increase focus and reduces Anxiety. He also suggested that I start seeing a Therapist to work through issues better. So not I am on way to many medication which so far are not living up to the full extent of my hopes. I still have frequest episodes of Severe Depression, and wicked Anxiety. The Vyvanse has helped with focus at work and how. It also gives me more energy which make me more active. I am down from 315lbs to 262lbs in just 5 months. So good by bad.
List of Medications:
6:30am Daily
Vyvanse 50mg (upped from 30mg 5-20-09)
Zytec 10mg
Vitamin B12 2000mcg
Lisinopril 20mg
Amlodioine Besylate 10mg
Synthroid 150mcg
9:00PM Daily
Luvox CR 150mg (Upped to 150mg 5-25-09)
Trazadone 150mg for sleep troubles
It started out like most other Dr appointments that I have been too about my back. CT/MRI, nothing much to show so try "Physical Therapy". IMO Physical Therapy is great for someone how lost all motor function or has to relearn something they can no longer do. All the had me do it Stretch out, get a back message, and then they used a Tens unit on my back. I went to these appointments religiously for months! Nothing really changed at all. I was still just in pain. Felt like my nerves were on fire! Streching and all this other crap but exacerbated an already horrible issue. So I agreed to keep doing the basic stretches at home and told them that I could not afford the $20 a visit co-pay 3 times a week. Back to the Dr.
I will not specifically mention name just to avoid any back lash. I stated seeing one of the 2 Primary Partners and owners of the whole clinic. Harvard Medical School Graduate. So we do another MRI/CAT of my back. They say that my L5-S1 has significant Degenerative Disk Disease and that the disk is blown/bulging. After several reviews they believe that this bulge is not pinching a nerve specifically BUT from the severity of my symptoms I do have severe nerve issues somewhere effecting my Left Leg. So they sent me to get a procedure where squirt die into your spinal cavity to see if they can see anything else nerve wise that might be causing this pain. Again not much found. I then went through a set of Steroidal Injections directly into the Epidural Space which is supposed to kill all the inflammation and releave most of the pain. I went through 3 sets of these over the 3 months and got little to NO relief.
Now keep in mind this whole time the Dr's were prescribing progressively more potent pain killers (Opiates). I started off with the standard Pain Management brand Norco 5mg Vicodine-Hydrocodone/ 325 mg Acetaminophen. These are pills that are not used my regular family Physicians due to the peaks. You can take 3 times as many without the negative effects from the Acetaminophen poisening. Normally all Dr's will give a person for "sudden" onset pain is Vicodin/Lortab (generic is Hydrocode) pill with 5 mg Hydrocodone/ 500 mg Acetaminophen. The reason regular doctors stick to the 5 by 500 pill is because having 500 mg of Acetaminophen (aka Tylenol) in each pill limits the abuse potential because Tylenol taken at anything over 1000 mg at time (6 hour period) for more than a couple of days will cause kidney failure.
So once they had me on the "more" hardcore Norco Opiate product they started upping the does. Any opiate user knows that it does not take long for a consistent dose to start not helping the pain after just 2 to 4 weeks (without abuse). So now I was moved to the Norco 7.5 mg Hydrocodone / 325 mg Acetaminophen pill with instruction for 2 to 3 pills every 4 hours for pain. So 22.5 mg of Hydrocodone ever 4 hours. At first this was nice. I was in little pain. But again just like with all Opiate drugs your body gets used to it. A month and a half later I was onto the Norco 10mg Hydrocodone/ 325 mg Acetaminophen also up to 3 pills ever 4 hours. I knew it was getting out of control when I started getting more push back from the Dr's staff for refills and at the Pharmacy they were always amazed. A HUGE bottle of 240 pills of Norco's most powerful Narcotic, 10mg/325mg. They always made me feel like an addict by there glaring looks.
So late last year I did something that I think my family did not think I could do. I slowly stopped taking these Narcotics. At my last Dr appointments they mentioned Oxycontin, Methadone, or a Morphine pump. I was NOT ready to turn the rest of my life over to severe dependency on Opiates. I have kids and a wonderful wife that I want to be able to enjoy. I have a job I enjoy and drives me to new highs frequently. It took a couple tries and I think to script refills but I finally did it. I stopped calling the Pain Management Dr. Did not request refills and took a weekend to try to get over the bulk of the withdrawals that I would have after almost a year of 10+ pills a day. If you have never gone through Opiate Withdrawals then DON'T! It is horrible. It took close to 3 weeks before I felt 1/2 way OK. But I did it!
Now for the downside!
Opiate Withdrawal can cause numerous long term issues especially Depression, Severe Anxiety, Insomnia, and many other mid altering thing... ie no motivation and unexplained fatigue.
Soon after I quite my pain meds I started seeing my Primary Dr about what started as "side effects". I have been known to be a depressed person in the past and more everyone in my family is on a SSRI or 2 to help. I was FREAKING out with mood swings. Crying and Laughing 2 seconds agart. I was probably at the lowest mental point in my life. I was having ST. The Dr immediately took like 8 vials of blood to test everything and started my on an SSRI (Lexapro). I gave that a try. My blood work said that my B12 level was almost anemic! Normal levels are 6oo to 1000. Bad is 400 or below. Mine was 210. So I started 2000mcg shots of B12 to help with that. But after about 5 weeks I noticed the Lexapro was not really do anything for my anxiety and depression. The Dr then switches my to Luvox CR and gave my some Ambien for sleep.
So we though things would be better and I toughed it out for 4 or 5 weeks then could not take it anymore. I was bad. My mother had to come remove my firearms because I was REALLY unstable. IT was bad. So back to my Dr. He then decided that I should take a test on his computer. I immediately noticed this to be the Adult ADD test. Unfortunately I think I showed almost all the signs or actions of an Adult with ADD. I guess the main thing was that I was in the Army so I had been force to cope with alot of my ADD tendencies especially organization and structure. So after talking to the Dr he wanted me to start on an ADD medication called Vyvanse. Vyvanse is a new Pro Drug version of Amphetamine similar to Adderall. It helps increase focus and reduces Anxiety. He also suggested that I start seeing a Therapist to work through issues better. So not I am on way to many medication which so far are not living up to the full extent of my hopes. I still have frequest episodes of Severe Depression, and wicked Anxiety. The Vyvanse has helped with focus at work and how. It also gives me more energy which make me more active. I am down from 315lbs to 262lbs in just 5 months. So good by bad.
List of Medications:
6:30am Daily
Vyvanse 50mg (upped from 30mg 5-20-09)
Zytec 10mg
Vitamin B12 2000mcg
Lisinopril 20mg
Amlodioine Besylate 10mg
Synthroid 150mcg
9:00PM Daily
Luvox CR 150mg (Upped to 150mg 5-25-09)
Trazadone 150mg for sleep troubles
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
January 20th, 2009
Well there are alot of mixed emotions today. Many people are joyous and inspired. I personally am wary and worried. Lets all pray that our country is headed in the right direction. As a former military man and proud American I will get behind whomever is in the White House BUT hope that this new man can become a true Leader of the people.
But enough about politics. Like I have said before no one really reads this (except my cousin Melanie emailed me one time saying she read about something on my blog) so I will keep this update short.
The family is doing well. Anaya just had her 6th Birthday party! It was something else. She is such a girly, girl. She went and had a "Kiddy Makeover" at a place called Sweet and Sassy. Kinda like Libby Lue but they shut down all the Libby Lues. Anaya is cruising through Kindergarden and is on the verge of reading on her own. She loves to read "Fancy Nancy" books.
Dakota is a good boy. He takes good care of his little brother during the day and watches out for him. He is still alittle withdrawn at times and being the middle child I think is tough for him. I try to do things with just him so he knows he is special. I want all my kids to know that we love them unconditionally and will never play favorites. Boys are tougher to raise than girls (so far) because they are much more complex. All our kids seem to wear there feeling on there sleeve like I always have.
Chayton is doing so much better no that we have his allergies more under control. All the eczema was caused by allergies to foods. He is allergic to ALOT of stuff. We try to keep him away from all those foods. He can only eat FRESH vegetable, fruits, & meats. We have to try to stay away from flour (almost anything pre-made has flour or grains), & nuts. Since we found this out his condition has been much more manageable. Other than that Chayton is a funny, lively little boy. He walks around throwing the little football at everyone trying to get someone to play football. It is so funny when football comes on TV he stops then sits right down in front of the TV then starts yelling, "FOOTBALL" and clapping his hands! I got him started off right early. He is the next Tony Romo.
But Naomi & I are doing well also. A new year has begun and we are trying to keep going just like everyone else. The economy and money issues are always an issue but we make it through. God willing if Naomi and I can stay employed in this Recession then everything might be OK. For now we live everyday as a new day and just keep pushing forward. I sure hope everyone else is getting by. With the events of today I will be praying for everyone and our nation.
But enough about politics. Like I have said before no one really reads this (except my cousin Melanie emailed me one time saying she read about something on my blog) so I will keep this update short.
The family is doing well. Anaya just had her 6th Birthday party! It was something else. She is such a girly, girl. She went and had a "Kiddy Makeover" at a place called Sweet and Sassy. Kinda like Libby Lue but they shut down all the Libby Lues. Anaya is cruising through Kindergarden and is on the verge of reading on her own. She loves to read "Fancy Nancy" books.
Dakota is a good boy. He takes good care of his little brother during the day and watches out for him. He is still alittle withdrawn at times and being the middle child I think is tough for him. I try to do things with just him so he knows he is special. I want all my kids to know that we love them unconditionally and will never play favorites. Boys are tougher to raise than girls (so far) because they are much more complex. All our kids seem to wear there feeling on there sleeve like I always have.
Chayton is doing so much better no that we have his allergies more under control. All the eczema was caused by allergies to foods. He is allergic to ALOT of stuff. We try to keep him away from all those foods. He can only eat FRESH vegetable, fruits, & meats. We have to try to stay away from flour (almost anything pre-made has flour or grains), & nuts. Since we found this out his condition has been much more manageable. Other than that Chayton is a funny, lively little boy. He walks around throwing the little football at everyone trying to get someone to play football. It is so funny when football comes on TV he stops then sits right down in front of the TV then starts yelling, "FOOTBALL" and clapping his hands! I got him started off right early. He is the next Tony Romo.
But Naomi & I are doing well also. A new year has begun and we are trying to keep going just like everyone else. The economy and money issues are always an issue but we make it through. God willing if Naomi and I can stay employed in this Recession then everything might be OK. For now we live everyday as a new day and just keep pushing forward. I sure hope everyone else is getting by. With the events of today I will be praying for everyone and our nation.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas! Blogging from the TREE!
Well the hub-bub is over and the kids are playing with all there toys. It was a good Christmas, but like many people not as extravagant as the past. We got Anaya & Dakota iPod Nano's so they can join Daddy & Mommy in the Apple revolution. Everything we own is Apple now. I buckled to the pressure and got Dakota this HUGE robot dinosaur that he has been begging for for months. I probably should not have got it because it cost ALOT but when we took him to see Santa at the Southlake Town Square that was the only thing he asked for. By then the things was sold out EVERYWERE so I have to have it overnighted from Walmart.com.
But Naomi got me a new 32in HDTV for the bedroom a couple of weeks ago so that was my present. I got her the NEW Verizon Wireless Blackberry Storm and some accessories (also a few weeks ago) and that was her present. We are so bad at keeping secrets from each other so we just give our presents when we get them.
But here is too the coming year and I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Remember at least you are hopefully with family and that is what REALLY matters. So in the words of Tiny Tim, "God Bless Us EVERY One."
But Naomi got me a new 32in HDTV for the bedroom a couple of weeks ago so that was my present. I got her the NEW Verizon Wireless Blackberry Storm and some accessories (also a few weeks ago) and that was her present. We are so bad at keeping secrets from each other so we just give our presents when we get them.
But here is too the coming year and I hope everyone had a good Christmas. Remember at least you are hopefully with family and that is what REALLY matters. So in the words of Tiny Tim, "God Bless Us EVERY One."
Monday, November 17, 2008
The last few weeks...
Well the last few weeks have been a rocky road. There have been quite a few things that have effected our entire family. My mom was tested for Lung Cancer because of on-going pneumonia and her medicine that is known to cause Lung issues including Cancer. The problem is that the medication is one of the few that helps her severe Rheumatoid Arthritis. But I find it amazing that in a day were we can clone sheep and do other amazing medical things that a Dr cannot tell you definitively whether you have Cancer or not. She has to go back in 3 months to see if any of the small nodules grow. So right now we wait and worry. If only she would quite smoking. But like someone pointed out the damage has been done so quitting now if almost meaningless.
But because of all of these health issues mom has decided to to shut down the DayCare (she watches my 3 kids plus my brothers kid)as soon as possible which unfortunately is not until March 09. Recently my wife took a Manager job at her work which has her working Days 7am to 4pm. Before she used to work from 4pm to 10pm which worked great because we did not need a sitter. Since she moved to days we are defendant on my mom so changing is going to be hard. Naomi cannot even put in for a new position until March 2009 (6 months at current job) so as soon a possible she will try to move to either evening or midnights which is going to really suck!
But we try to get through and will make it. We have to. All I care about is putting food on the table and keeping a house for the kids. I mean we life pretty good compared to many people. We are blessed to have healthy kids and a loving family. Financials are trivial and are the least of our worries in life. If more people would focus on family and things then it would make things alittle better. I mean if the banks are failing how can they expect me to keep paying when they cannot even honor there own debt.
But because of all of these health issues mom has decided to to shut down the DayCare (she watches my 3 kids plus my brothers kid)as soon as possible which unfortunately is not until March 09. Recently my wife took a Manager job at her work which has her working Days 7am to 4pm. Before she used to work from 4pm to 10pm which worked great because we did not need a sitter. Since she moved to days we are defendant on my mom so changing is going to be hard. Naomi cannot even put in for a new position until March 2009 (6 months at current job) so as soon a possible she will try to move to either evening or midnights which is going to really suck!
But we try to get through and will make it. We have to. All I care about is putting food on the table and keeping a house for the kids. I mean we life pretty good compared to many people. We are blessed to have healthy kids and a loving family. Financials are trivial and are the least of our worries in life. If more people would focus on family and things then it would make things alittle better. I mean if the banks are failing how can they expect me to keep paying when they cannot even honor there own debt.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Party Time
Well we are having my oldest son's 4th birthday party today. I got him all nice a dressed up. Going to be quite a few people here including the kids good friends Leila & Katy Redman. I think the theme is Batman, the Dark Night. Dakota loves all the Super Hero's.
But life goes on down here in Texas. Still having back issues and they possible want to do surgery to fuse my L5-S1 vertebrae which is really scary to me. We will see what happens I guess.
Anaya had to go the Dr this morning. She has a severe ear infection in both ears and what the Dr said was a cold. She kept us up most of last night. They gave her 3 medications so maybe that will help.
But another week is down. Only 2 more months until 2009. Cannot wait. I am dying for some time off because I already used almost all of my vacation time this year.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Father & Son
Been playing around with Photoshop trying to get better at photo editing. I really like this effect on this photo I took of my little bro and his son.
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